i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ttyl tear gas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
