You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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