Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
