Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
