hotel room ftw
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
