Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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