I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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