I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
