Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize