yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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