This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
