we're chasing vodka with high fives
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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