wanna go halves on a baby?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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