I'm gonna have a badass scar
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
