I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
