So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
