Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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