We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
