Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i've created a new STD.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
