SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
