paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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