but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
