She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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