You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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