I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
