I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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