i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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