I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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