Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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