Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
