You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
