i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
