Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
