i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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