Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
