i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
