thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
