Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
