Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
