there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
