I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
