woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
