now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
