If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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