So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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