I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
