Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
