when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
