So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
