I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
