I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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