dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
