Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
