You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
