I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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