He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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