Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
50% drunk capacity currently
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
