I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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