organizing the empties. That sober.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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