My brain says no but my pants say off.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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