you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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