Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
