Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
