I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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